Inferiority (meant to be video)
Right before my test, I told my friend about how I went to orientation right after swimming.
His response: "in a swimsuit?" My reply: Well, it was shirt and shorts so it's not like I was all, "Hello, I am a topless dude." [...] My father constantly asks for information he rarely listens to.
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I took my Geometry and Algebra tests over this week (so I could take my assigned math credits this year); I should be nervous but I rarely get anxious for tests beforehand, especially not math tests. During test taking is when I get most nervous (especially when I saw 200 question spaces, but I realized that there were only 40-50).This is due to my feeling of inferiority in everything, from math to music to writing but not so much videos because they don't matter that much to me anymore.
Math: MIT Primes/AoPS -- While going into high school, but my mathematical background is not extremely advanced; I do not understand most of this math but I still signed up for mailing list. At least I am not in trig discussion saying, "What is theta?" (I actually did this once <facepalm>)
Music: I get this often because I listen to music most of time when I am not watching YouTube videos. On Quora, I saw question asking for female musician recommendations and (among others) saw Gabriela Montero; I felt slightly upset at my lack of trying to achieve better piano skills but I forgot about it because I am not very consistent at anything, especially keyboard practicing. Yesterday I was looking up songs for my project and I was so mad at myself for not being anything like these metalcore artists (or any other artist), even though they are multiple people and not necessarily multi-instrumentalists.
I do not believe what I listen to is super hard or that I am rebellious for my taste; certainly what I make is not hard because I am beginner guitarist and amateur percussionist. I do not hate mainstream music; it can be decent, although I dislike that "mainstream" exists.
Why am I doing these things? I want to feel somewhat useful. I'm like that guy who says, "I go down on my (wo)man so much" -- essentially "I supply pleasure" -- except in my case, it is not sexual.
(15 Aug 2016) UPDATE: My Algebra II tests were Aug [15-16] 2016 and I passed. I did get to talk to other people before my tests -- not completely alone.
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