2016 May [26-27]: Days [4-5] --- Next Step

2016 May [26-27]: Days [4-5] --- Next Step

   May 27, 2016       Cecil Arjun

---

Today was fairly ordinary --- Jack came back! Also, my roommates left, as I learned when planning on entering my room.

After post-dinner speech, I wanted to go to my room, but I had left my key in there hours earlier and had to get an attendant to unlock door; she thought that my counselor and I were related even though we do not look similar. I got my key and watched movie at friends' room for 30-60 min, after which I headed back to my room.

I had yet to take a shower or brush my teeth or complete any task of my ordinary night routine.
My roommates were gone and I felt lonely, wondering what I would do.
I hardly had ever spoken to them and they went to my school (different grade).

What is tomorrow? It is just another day like today, except I am leaving those I knew into an unknown lonely emptiness that I must fill and condense rather than creating a 3-month long time-suck.

All I know about my plans ---

• I have piano rehearsals and recital during June.
• I have vacation with my great-uncle midway through school summer break.
• I supposedly am going to university camps.
• I have two summer projects, one for English and another for Human Geography.
• HG will likely take me at most one week as it is just reading packet with first chapter of an arbitrary Human Geo textbook and completing vocab matrix
• However, English projects always take quite long and therefore I should do reasonably sized portions daily. (Of course, I will always be lazy procrastinating young-adult "teen-aged waste" until I make an effort to change myself, but these kinds of flaws have self-perpetuating tendencies.)
• I should [and hopefully will] get some volunteer hours in. Then again, I also should: learn new languages; request ear training and new instrument lessons; finish writing and publish my books; generate revenue from ads; write more relatable blog posts; make videos; study and learn more so I can accelerate and begin career earlier (yes, I understand that I should not always look to grow up so fast and instead cherish childhood; that usually is not implied to mean waste time on computer but rather spend time with friends, which is unlikely as I only communicate with others when it is side effect of another activity); and generally contribute more to society than indirectly being source of money for certain people by using water/gas/electricity/internet/etc.

I feel as if I am quite wasteful and indulgent as well as immodest and unnecessarily intrusive.

Here are developmental phases I went through (this is subject to [develop/improve]ments as I remember what I forgot):

• Infancy: basic functions are still developing
• Toddler (Daycare/Pre-K/Kindergarten): Jumping Dress (poked people and cut my hair instead of paper) --- I think of myself as unknowingly emulating 1880s kid fashion and wearing dresses often, although my mother claims I mostly wore casual shirts and pants unless forced into more "proper" clothing with suits and woolen jackets/dresses, which made me throw up one time due to its excessive restrictive warmth that induced fever (or something of that sort).
• Kindergarten: I was also additionally "Crushing Pest", meaning I was annoying attention freak and I think I had crushes on every one [of opposite sex, of course! I actually did not know about concept of gaiety.].  (My parents [dad] always used to tell me, "If you have crush on someone, you should tell us." Why? Unless I am pursuing a relationship with this "someone" (and even then) it is solely my business who I want to tell; these are my feelings and I do not need your input, which will likely be awkward lecture about how I should study and not distract myself with these things which are completely natural. Also, my crushes faded extremely quickly.)
• 2nd-3rd grade: My crushes waned (yes!) and I was just odd in unnerving way.
• I cried because I could not use scissors. In retrospect, this probably hints towards my mood instability and tendencies of vulnerable narcissism (tendencies, mind you).
• We were supposed to draw and describe ourselves on manilla paper; I, going into extraneous detail (like I am right now) and believing I am within range of sensibility and accuracy, wrote "Gender(Sex): [redacted]", which really freaked my classmates out, although I can not recall when my teachers thought anything of it.
• There was this girl who I sat next to (and goes to this camp along with another girl from our class) and allegedly poked frequently; I was doing something which required slight approach (asking for something, or more likely being a creep) and likely got all up in her face with my charm. Somehow, people thought I was trying to kiss her, implying lesbian (people often took me as female) tendencies. One of our classmates defended me with this [now deemed controversial] line: "Why would a girl kiss another girl?" {paraphrase} To be fair, no one ever learned about or understood LGBT-ness then.
• Also, our teacher showed us her son, who wore an ordinary onesie which has sleeves in it. I had a realization and decided to share, "Aren't sleeves just armpit coverers?" to which others thought I was being rude. Interrupting is rude (not sure if that was how it was), but comment is not really rude so much as weird and incorrect; sleeves are by definition arm coverers, which may reveal your pits (I would not be too surprised if that sort of sleeve existed).
• 4th-5th grade: Tan, friend from ice skating, comes to my grade (after which I learn she was in my school for entire time) and our friendship became strongest during that time, especially because I had no other friends (maybe few acquaintances by association), although we did have this joke about those "Dummies Who Watch SpongeBob" (DWWS). Also, in 5th, I learned what gay meant besides happy (my original sense of it). --- best friend for some time
• 6th grade: Communication rate with them dropped significantly after entering middle school not because they took offense (no one else even knew what we were talking about) due to my getting friends, having separate sections and slight "maturing". Others really did mature but I just emailed people more and was part of email fiasco that resulted in our school emails being changed from {[first name.surname] --> example: miha---- [first two letters of first and surname respectively followed by 4-digit number}@[domain]. --- waste gone wrong
• 7th grade: tons of fun --- full of (dirty) jokes and conversation all around; Mich making an anthology of her poems based off of our class's submission of words to her.
• Due to new campus, our email changed again anyway.
• 8th and onward: Questioning Teen/Young Adult (confused about paths in life)
• Relationships with Bec (when combined with others/to be fair, Bec is not necessarily someone you want to work with and vice versa, as she likes going solo.) and "dork dairies" as project partners + my ever-present arrogant attitude: D-bag boyfriend 
• Most of my school life: clingy (girl)friend

I wish to be somewhere and something that matters and actively helps change our world positively because I am really tired of all this world's problems and there needs to be more calls to action.

However, I lack strong passion for anything and have aforementioned flaw of being lazy.

Read More

2016 May 25/Day 3: I Introduce Overcompensation/Gender Roles

2016 May 25/Day 3: I Introduce Overcompensation/Gender Roles

   May 26, 2016       Cecil Arjun

---

Notice: Our speaker today (as well as some from other days) were from India and so is our "instructor", AKA that guy we see every first class and post-dinner that keeps on making comments, nagging us to ask questions and sit in front and lowers projector while speakers introduce during beginning of each interaction.
Explanation: Overcompensation is term I apply to that "girls can have intelligent careers" movement (likely sub-sect of feminism). One time last year as we were approaching time to leave, our teacher said that all boys can leave but all girls must stay behind. I pack up slowly and somehow I was roped into this minute-long pep talk, where he encouraged us to break barriers or something corny and unnecessary like that (it was year ago, so I forgot, but it still bothers me.), which was part of what intrigued me about gender and made me want to ask why it mattered.
So if I said I was girl/boy on my stuff, I would get paid differently in high-end careers? Well, I should stay male (and maybe fake being white [but I count as Asian] and remain under 35). Does this also apply to my blog? Do advertisers care about my gender? I suppose not, so why do our workplaces?
Difference between advertised corps and corps we "will work for": We reveal our identities to latter.
It seems as if it would be easier to keep track of how much money is being used on salaries if everyone is paid same amount. (I meant same rate for same job; I am not communist.)
Yet somehow it actually seems to be based on college majors and women seem to pick lesser-paying majors, which reflects a different gender gap based on college: even though there are more women than men going to university, they are picking less useful majors and thus go into less profitable fields.

After-dinner presentation: It feels like our presenter, through monetary appeal and background biographies, is trying to insinuate that their lifestyle of STEM careers and propagate assumption that every female will marry and proceed to procreate, which is irritating but sadly not uncommon. They say we have choice in choosing careers, so you must choose to be STEM (or possibly some other well-paying prestigious job that requires an extensive education and follow our manufactured passion, even though all these female in this "Girls Can" ad are not in these careers, are obviously defeating boundaries which you would clearly find fixed and horrendous to not exist, and are promoting makeup (Is this further pushing stereotypical Indian woman image of presentable working mother?).

Also, that distinction between gender (social identity based on sex) and sex (based on genitalia) is never clarified when talking about women being "able to do anything" (which is borderline deceptive exaggeration for younger kids; humans have their limits, regardless of gender/sex --- they are not going to grow leg wings out of their anatomy). Where are trans people? Oh, yeah, those people should stay at home if they want to have their identity. (My mother passionately believes that bathroom debate is important issue (No one said this; I would brought up this , but I worried that this might cause scene.) ) This attitude reminds me of what I looked up on Alan Turing and Brits --- society hating on people due to their identity, except that this is not about gaiety, it is about transgender-ism (which is grammatically correct as nominalisation).
Paragraph conclusion/TL|DR: I think they mean gender, but no one clarifies.
[Edit: They obviously mean your legal status, as that is what employers first see.]

Our speaker seemed slightly surprised when one girl in second video (#girls code) said female video-game characters were hyper-sexualized as if she did not preview it. Maybe it is simply because we are above all of that trivial nonsense about --- what did you just say? Do not use that inappropriate language! We are here to get an education, not become activities of expletives. (hyperbole)
Yet you have had kids and you were talking about how you had your first baby and split between career and motherhood. I am not shaming anyone for any expletive activities, but this approach confuses me. Please just be direct about this sort of stuff; we will encounter it in STEM fields anyway (Anatomy & Physiology and bio + sub-sects/mergers with chem and med) and we likely know more than you think, so please avoid any awkwardness.

Additional note: Mare, Mich and I tried out "Truth or Dare" app. Kid mode was lame, teen mode was goofy but not interesting enough, and extreme was actually pretty pale. Dare - add "love doctor" to FaceBook username (none of us have FB)/Truth - Have you slept with member of same gender? While Mare deleted it after that, this is actually truth I have no problem in divulging: Yes, I have slept with (not a euphemism) members of same gender as well as opposite --- which at most tells you who I may have shared a bed with (parents and cousin) and nothing else.

Please stop telling my female compatriots that their passion is STEM because it might not be; stop hinting that these people will get married (to men of course --- depending on our culture, we may (not?) accept gays, but never in our circle! We would be ruined!) and thus have kids through regular process of impregnation.(awkward thought process on you adults owning/storing protection :|) [what about alternatives? Adoption is rare but certainly more common than "artificial" ways like IVF. Plus, while population is more due to adult fill-up and is not our greatest concern, having kids is not always advisable. Do you really think it is beneficial to be responsible for even more people's lives of which whose existence we were in full control?] It is not something you should do --- rather you should say that these are potential realities and that all of us need to consider our decisions and protect ourselves from risks (pun?)
This family insinuation makes me and likely others feel uncomfortable and uneasy about discussing their sexuality/fertility/career choices on grounds of avoiding animosity; however, hiding our predispositions will create more animosity in long run.

Sources: http://www.aauw.org/research/the-simple-truth-about-the-gender-pay-gap/
http://www.weeklystandard.com/why-is-there-a-gender-pay-gap/article/2002491

Read More

2016 May 24: Day 2 of University Camp

2016 May 24: Day 2 of University Camp

   May 24, 2016       Cecil Arjun

---

1st class "Pre-Med": Are (mainly Indian in my experience, not to be racist) adults obsessed with asking questions?

I understand getting education as focus, but should we not understand stuff? Inquisition is fine but every time makes it as dull as extending a rhyme. Not everyone wants to ask questions --- if they think it is flawed but have genuine intentions, they should ask; otherwise, 

Also, he mixed up PLTW (Project Lead the Way) and thought it was Project-Based Learning (type of project done in school, while PLTW is type of class.
There was very little "med" and more info on how to get into advanced programs like Pact until last speaker showed us videos on haptic systems and uses for motion sensors in therapy and entertainment.

Lunch: I got lost, met Mon (one of my school's students from higher grade), and with help of another student and her group, we all made it, giving me less time to eat, which was fine because I eat less.

2nd class "App Inventor": When I arrive clad in sweat and my backpack, I was alone with two teachers and someone else's supplies while people (there were 23 enrolled) arrive silently and take attendance. I was distracted and lagged while there was one person I felt bad for because they were frustrated at program's lack of co-operation because that is basically me, just that I usually keep reactions inside myself or my home.

Recreation time (Hours 16-18, but I was aiming to leave by 17): I headed to my dorm in hopes of doing homework, but did very little for half an hour and elicited my teachers to ask me where I was and inform them next time. I decided against dinner as it is just another time-suck and I am only required to have two meals per day. (I misinterpreted our dinner times and it was actually at hour 18.)
I went for activities but we all left because there was no space for us, so we played ping-pong.

Dinner (which I did eat): I rushed because I got too much food; Jack left on terms of illness.

Speech "College Success": Like an arrogant spoiled brat, I went to my room to set up my laptop that my parents brought, then spent most of my time walking around building trying to find entrance and got there at last seven minutes. My life is a big waste of time that I only partake in because of vain hope that I will be more productive/useful in future but I never am.

I misplaced my key card in parking lot, which increased my self-disappointment.

My failure to my project partner was not even reflected into our grades and my parents will see my English grade as a failure and so did I, but I recently stopped stressing as I deserve my grades as they are result of my actions.

Read More

2016 May 23: Day 1 of University Camp

2016 May 23: Day 1 of University Camp

   May 24, 2016       Cecil Arjun

---

Me: It was a little amusing in between all those boring speeches...
[Also, I lied to my project partner about being able to finish our project until I had to own up to my choice and thus failed her...]

We checked in, saw each other at "dinner", went to our dorms and proceeded with activities: welcome speech and campus tour.

Read More

Science Fair and Ambigram Cards

Science Fair and Ambigram Cards

   May 22, 2016       Anonymous

---

Friday, May 20: Pat, Bec, Nat, Mich, and I were sent to our science teacher (OST) because people at "Central Office" thought our projects were "missing requirements", which basically tells us that they were terrible.

It began with Nat telling me while we were waiting for math class that OST wants to see me; however, they make jokes about our teacher often, so I blew it off: "I don't care," which is true for me in anything regarding science fair projects. At this point, I did not know he wanted to see anyone else.

Then, our math teacher got call saying that he wanted to see students listed above.

While OST was asking for our emails, Mich said that last year she went to state for project regarding whether water or bleach killed more bacteria; due to not being able to grow bacteria fully, she partially fabricated her data because obviously bleach will kill more bacteria.
My reaction: "Wow, I really need to come up with better fake science fair projects," to which Bec agreed.

Pat and Bec were two first people to leave. OST proceeded and saw an email for an supposedly nameless project, then sent me mine and then Mich's while Nat kept on whining about how he wants to get his email next so he can leave --- and for some reason his project name was not recorded.

I understand why CO hated my fake-tastic project, but Pat and Bec had gotten to State Science Fair; Pat got 1st place in his category and Bec got recognition from Water Environment Association, yet somehow Central Office thinks their projects are "missing something".

Also, as gift to my classmates, I was to make cards where I make ambigram* out of their name and surround it with qualities describing them, write regular note on back, and fold it up into an envelope with only their name on display. However, I lack time to do so and decided against it (although it was decent idea).

*Definition: symbolic representation (In this case, it is word.) that retains meaning when viewed from different angle/perspective (rotated).

This kind of gift will definitely make those close to you feel special; if you do not know how to make an ambigram, you can search for an ambigram generator online.
Making an ambigram by hand is really more of matter of time and patience and I, as an amateur, have little patience, so you can observe how it works on your own, although remember that some words or sets of words are harder to ambigram than others.

Read More

Debo dar a los recursos de mi cuerpo pero me gusta mis excusas.

Debo dar a los recursos de mi cuerpo pero me gusta mis excusas.

   May 14, 2016       Cecil Arjun

---

My feet and legs are my unrecognized foundation

My life rests atop these pillars without which I would rely on plastic or metal

(There is nothing wrong in that but I prefer my flesh)

Popliteal vein is main channel through leg centered in knees

Rise above to our next system: reproductive

Controlled by hormonal endocrine

Our pelvises store potential fetuses

This one I have will be wasted due to my resistance

To childbearing because of overpopulation concerns

So let our tissues churn

But if we want to save them

I shall donate [sperm/eggs]

And you all should donate [eggs/sperm]

If you will not procreate

Give someone without a chance a turn

Skeletons provide our framework with 206-300 bones that fuse together as we grow and muscles connect by tendons and ligaments to pull us around.

Next to digestion

Those enzymes dissolve our food

Saliva contains amylase to break starch and bicarbonate buffer to base your acid

After it is chewed, mucus and saliva flow down esophagus

Into stomach where hydrochloric acid kills harmful pathogens and lets coiled proteins relax

Pepsin cuts protein chains into peptides

And your stomach muscles flex to mix your food before it moves on to intestines

Insulin is released to compensate for blood sugar increase

And waste descends down as our feces

And our urine is created by kidneys filtering blood and ridding us of waste products and excesses

Immune and lymphatic systems are defenses to pathogens by creating white blood cells and detoxing our bodies

Respiration takes in oxygen and expels carbon dioxide

And our breathing patterns alter as we laugh and talk together

Capillaries link alveoli to let air flow through our blood

Circulation pumps our blood through bright red arteries and after traversing capillaries comes back dulled but happened twice through two pipes in reverse directions

And I would give pint of blood every 54 days and my gametes

Except I am not old enough to fulfill requirements

But when my time comes, I will give parts of my body away

To someone who wants and/or needs them more than me.

At least I will do that with my hair in a few weeks

Let your scissors cut it off and I will hide it like I wanted to for a while

And let me have my -----cyte donation (wait, I take that back! I am fine with it being intact!)

Let your needle pierce my basilic vein and take blood from me; it is not mine but for all of those in need

Mis pies y las piernas son mi fundación no reconocido

Mi vida se apoya sobre estos pilares sin los cuales se basaría en plástico o metal

(Yo prefiero y agradezco mi carne)

vena poplítea es el canal principal a través de la pierna centrada en las rodillas

Elevarse por encima de nuestro siguiente sistema: reproductiva

Controlado por endocrino hormonal

Nuestros pelvis almacenan fetos potenciales

Esto que tengo se desperdicia debido a mi resistencia

A la maternidad debido a la preocupación de sobrepoblación

Así que deje que nuestros tejidos batir

Pero si queremos guardarlos

Voy a donar [óvulos/esperma]

Y todos deben donar [esperma/óvulos]

Si no va a procrear

Dar a alguien sin la oportunidad de una vuelta

Esqueletos proporcionan nuestro marco con 206-300 huesos que se fusionan a medida que crecemos y los músculos conectamos por medio de tendones y ligamentos para tirar de nosotros alrededor.

Al lado de la digestión

Esas enzimas se disuelven nuestros alimentos

La saliva contiene amilasa para romper el almidón y el tampón de bicarbonato para basar su ácido

Después de que se mastica, el moco y saliva fluyen hacia abajo el esófago

En el estómago, donde el ácido clorhídrico mata a los patógenos dañinos y permite que las proteínas en espiral se relajan

La pepsina corta las cadenas de proteínas en péptidos

Y los músculos del estómago se flexionan para mezclar su comida antes de que pasa a los intestinos

La insulina es liberada para compensar el aumento de azúcar en la sangre

Y los residuos desciende como nuestras heces

Y nuestra orina es creado por los riñones filtran la sangre y nos librar de los productos de desecho y excesos

sistemas inmunes y linfáticos son defensas contra los patógenos mediante la creación de células blancas de la sangre y la desintoxicación de nuestros cuerpos

La respiración toma oxígeno y expulsa dióxido de carbono

Y nuestros patrones de respiración alteran como nos reímos y hablamos juntos

Los capilares enlazan alvéolos para permitir el flujo de aire a través de nuestra sangre

Bombas de circulación de nuestra sangre por las arterias de color rojo brillante y después de capilares que atraviesan vuelve embotado, pero pasó dos veces a través de dos tubos en direcciones inversas

Y [yo le daría a pinta de sangre cada 54 días y mis gametos

Excepto que no tengo edad suficiente para cumplir con los requisitos

Pero cuando llegue mi hora, voy a dar partes de mi cuerpo lejos

Para alguien que quiera y / o los necesita más que yo.

Por lo menos voy a hacer eso con mi pelo en pocas semanas]*

Deje que sus tijeras cortaron y lo he de ocultar como que quería por un tiempo

Y déjame tener mi donación de -----citos (espero, retiro lo dicho! Estoy bien con él que es intacto!)

Deje que su aguja perfora mi vena basílica y tomar la sangre de mí; no es mío, sino para todos aquellos que lo necesitan

*This was our stanza.

Read More

Ending School Year

Ending School Year

   May 13, 2016       Anonymous

---

May 11: Science exam, which I completed fairly quickly; afterwards, I read Gordon Korman's Zoobreak, then began John Green's An Abundance of Katherines.
May 12: Social Studies exam, which was fairly simple.
May 13: AP Human Geo, last exam taken in my school building.

In Spanish class, we were supposed to complete a cultural project where we could present Spanish language poems, music, or food, of which latter two were supposed to be from Spanish-speaking origins, but one food passed and other failed, whereas music was entirely irrelevant but good.

I was supposed to announce who was presenting. (Order may be incorrect.) Here I am using substandard nicknames.

1) Ant and Derek: lumpia, which I unfortunately could not consume because they had beef. They smelled appetizing.
2) Mat: Spitfire on clarinet
3) Ty: Riffs from Seven Nation Army and Longview (songs)
4) Et: store-bought microwaved taquitos, which were only presented this early because they were getting cold. Quote from his presentation: "This is a very Latino food," which seems to imply all you need to know. Half tasted lame and too cold
5) Shell (Me) and Yara: I wrote long poem yesterday (which will be in following post) and she forgot to do hers. She originally got drawing from Lexi, but she gave it back because that drawing did not look like her style (although it is not her specialty, she draws decently and it might even have seemed more cultural) and thought partnering up was better. Since I had our turned-in papers, I changed ours on there.
6) Lexi, artist of this class: She drew something from The Property of Hate ["Young girl" (main character) on RGB's back]
7) Kiara, who is also great drawer but forgot to do this project, borrowed Lexi's drawing of "her husband" skeleton, to which I commented during her required explanation that she drew it to represent that she felt like death.
8) Brit: I gave her my first stanza (about legs being foundation).
9) Fork and Home: did not go --- former was tired, latter never cares.
10) Wall: I tried to give stanza on bones, but we left.

One of my friend-acquaintances leaves next week and I will leave her note.

I leave for school-sponsored university camp on May 23 after/during(?) field trip [no specific camp times given] and I give everyone ambigram note about them and their personality.

An ambigram is a representation of image/word that still retains meaning when rotated, which may differ from original meaning.
Ambigram notes are great gift as they show you put effort into doing something for them.

Read More

Month of (9) May Rain

Month of (9) May Rain

   May 10, 2016       Anonymous

---

This path... I know if I go too far, I may never come back.

Going a reasonable distance is not reasonable; it puts me at higher risk for abduction.

It feels as if right path, one you know you should take, is too short even though it is at fine length. If I want long length, just go back around.

Problematic path is what I wish I could take.

My life is like these trails. I wish I could go some ways and instead of gathering knowledge, I take path of least resistance and remain in this dull existence.

How far is too far? I walk and I have no way of telling when I should turn back.

I know it will where border of confusion is, but I would find out too late after it was crossed.

Rain splashes loudly and I run back for safety of myself and security of others.

-- This poem (message and writing) is another reason I should have had my phone when I walked, but my shortsighted self forgot. April 9, 2016

It was one month and it rained today too --- newfound connection.

Today, Pierce The Veil songs (beginning with misinterpreted typing of BL) led me to my core interest in self harm and cases of suicide and mental disorder (which I keep on telling people not to mock; however, my repetition reinforces my attention freak status in my head others might agree with). Liv Penpraze had to live through voices in her head because other people kept on talking and negative messages piled on top until storage bin revolted and let everything run rampant . There was no observable way through, only all those obvious paths out that same way.

It also led me to breast cancer, which unfortunately afflicts many people. Purpose of life is to solve our problems, which keep on coming back, and create more efficient solutions. How do these things happen? Few minuscule mistakes in cells take over and damage what had been delicate balances: one between systems within that body and one between that body's mind and those of other kindred related to that person.
Guilt resides for never having suffered at expense of another.

Decision about camp on last week of school made me wonder: why would I not want to go? Would I miss anything significant? As usual, I was ambivalent and slightly reluctant to change as I wondered if I would miss anything (although with every choice you make, you will miss something else) and why I battle with my desire for observable connections; people hurt and kill themselves and others over love/hate/jealousy/etc relating to their connections with other people and themselves. It is much more difficult to build up than to be broken down, as can be observed simply by seeing your grade drop farther with one wrong question than is compensated by one right question (without any tricks) solely with mathematical truth.

Why is love worth it? Why does residual sadness and disappointment remain?

I am worth so little but I could mean so much and that is why I live: I am alive for other people; I am not that important/I am insignificant but I can give away everything which makes me more important than what I am. I have no right to emotions; upset/anger and other negatives are for attention or ungratefulness and positive feelings are indulgent and greedy, it feels. Objectivity just might be my best shot.

My arms are what I can and should give in a generous embrace ---
Let your needle pierce my basilic vein and take blood from me; it is not mine but for all of those in need. (This will come back in future post.)

Read More

Running Cries and Short Fires: 6 May 2016

Running Cries and Short Fires: 6 May 2016

   May 07, 2016       Cecil Arjun

---

Some interesting things happened yesterday.

When accidental and awkward contact happens, it should not matter that much.
Yet it was that funny when one classmate (who I will call "Nat") waved everyone inside and accidentally tapped derriere of member of opposite gender (dork dairies). It really was neither of their faults as I do not think that "dork dairies" was looking and "Nat" was facing those people in line farther from door.

Read More

Drive or Die — Walking is Unsafe?

Drive or Die — Walking is Unsafe?

   May 01, 2016       Anonymous

---

Remember my after school learning site? That place is only 3/4 mi or 1.21 km and is completely within walking distance of my home.

This begs question: why do I not walk between these places?

In sentence: Parents are concerned about my safety.
Clarification: This path would require me to pass by signs of places which reside close to fast main road and I could be "run over" (even though I am not on the road) or kidnapped/shot (People will decide to shoot or abduct some kid in front of a barely-vacant public facility in a low-crime area).

This is absurdly disappointing and terrifying reality: there could be anyone willing to inflict harm upon others.

Well, here is different situation that happened bit after midnight:

I asked my parents if I could walk to house of someone who we were visiting for "party" of sorts and they agreed because it was in our neighborhood.

Then we were going to return and I was planning on walking back but my parents told me to get in car. I tried and failed to convince them otherwise.

Their primary concern was kidnapping.

I somewhat get kidnapping on a busy road, but in neighborhood?
Okay, I take that back --- that entirely makes more sense. On roadside in broad light of day, people can see you; at midnight in lonely neighborhood, this will go entirely unnoticed.

People have such lack of fulfillment in their lives that they will go around to find innocent people to steal and do other horrible and criminal things (either "obscene" or violent [murderous] crimes)?

It disgusts me that in this time period people still cannot engage themselves without resorting to harming others.

My lackluster excuse for vacant, expressionless online manifestation of hope and sympathy that clearly pales in comparison to real suffering goes to everyone that has been affected by any sort of crime or kidnapping, especially those closest to it and those in mourning.

We hope this has meaning to someone and is not in vain.

Read More